7 p.m.

Yeah... So I haven't been blogging about BCx... Not that anyone would notice, but I did feel a bit guilty when I realized it.
But actually, I wanted to talk about something else. My mom is on the phone with her sister at the moment aaaand it's 5 till 7p.m. ... And I looked at the clock and this thought that I can't shut out came to my mind.
I have it every day.
It's: "Hang up the phone, daddy is gonna call in a few minutes!"
I hate it.
I sincerely hate it.
Thinking of my dad is good and I don't plan on forgetting him and his ways and his voice, but every day at 7p.m. his absence smacks me sideways. I can't cry everyday, because I just don't have the strengh to be this sad all the time.. it's more on random times of the day that I have a thought, just a split second of a memory, and I'm out of it for the next 10 minutes.
The Yeti still owes me a hug. I asked him for one, he said he'd do it, but he never came around. Therefore, he owes me one. And every time I walk to my father's grave I wish someone would be there and hold me so I can let go for just one breath.
But no.
And I have come to realize that I will never get exactly that ONE hug that will make all the pain go away. There won't ever be a 'gone', much less when it's forced. I mean, I asked him for a hug and I shouldn't have to ask. Words don't mean sh*t if actions don't follow its course and the fact that he STILL hasn't showed up just proves it one more time that either I don't mean anything to him or that he's just like what I named him - A Yeti.