April 6th

At work, I deal with all kinds of mental disabilities. I enjoy watching them interact and discovered a love for people with autism. They have such odd personalities! My favorite one has the need of saying hello or good bye and shaking hands with EVERYONE who comes in or leaves. Further more, he sits in the same chair everytime and always orders coffee and a baguette with mushrooms. He's a quiet man, but out of the blue, he says "brown and white cows" or "black and white cows" and I crack up every time!
It people like him who make my life brighter. Watching him be. Just sitting there blurting out phrases. He does say full sentences and he has a memory that is just astounding, but he still, though in his 40s, lives with his mother.

I tanned, today. I start working at 1, but the club doesn't open until 3.3o, so after we clean yesterday's messes, we pretty much don't have anything to do other than peparing our activities for the week. Since I was done with that, I went out on the back porch and just stood there for a while. We cooked, today. We made spaghetti and homemde tomato sauce, which was really delicious. My mom went off to a girl's night out with her friends, so I'm sitting here watching "Lie to Me". Miserably. ... And I just remembered that we have ice cream in the freezer. Laters!

You know, sometimes, I think I have the wrong friends. I mean, I know I do, but I am too clingy and too lazy to change that. The guys I've been hanging out with for the past, I don't know, year, just isn't the right crowd for me. As ego-driven as that sounds, but they're too low-life for me. They drink, they make dirty jokes, they do stupid stuff... Sometimes, I really don't like being friends with them at all. I want to change them, because they are such good people. They just make poor decisions all the time! Other times, I really like them...
I just don't know what to do. I like good-guy-Andy. Asshole-Andy is not the guy I want to spend time with. Not the one I want to wake up next to. But I find myself waking up at his side a lot. Too many times, I ask myself why I keep doing this and too many times I have no answer. I watch his face as he sleeps and memorize all the little scars and moles in his face and think about how much of a better person he could be without the alcohol. And I am happy to sometimes see a glimpse of that person when he sleeps. Then he wakes up, Helge calls and I want to hide from that immature boy next to me. Horrible cycle of my life right there. I want to help him change from boy to man, but the process is so slow and I am very impatient...
Gotta learn to be more patient. And less cuddly.