January so far

I'm thinking of this blog as a form of diary that I will, one day, look back on and smile, because I know that all the (little, meaningless) hardships life has brought about were usefull to me in some way. To achieve my goals, I must go through darker days and I know that. I just wish they were over already.
Maybe, it's the wintertime. Maybe the weather has got me down. Maybe it's feeling left alone. Not that that weren't true, by the way.
You know, on new years, either you throw a party or you get invited to one.. right? That's the common protocol. Well, I sat at home. Alone. (My mom was in bed, one because she had to work early the next morning, 2 because she had a bad migrane.) I know I don't have many actual friends. Most people I know, I know through others. We chitchat a bit when we meet, but other than that, there's no connection. The friends that I have were either off on vacation or just indifferent towards me. And it's a time like new years when you know who your friends are. Home alone --> I seem to not have friends. Okay, the ones that were gone, but they didn't even get in touch with me after midnight.
So eversince new years, my life hasn't really improved much. This year starts off just really lonely, I guess. Not that January of 2010 was any more uplifting. In fact, it was worse, but I thought this year, things would be different. They're not. Not at all.
Not talking to me, because we had a fight would be okay. But not talking to me for no reason at all is just really freaking weird! I mean, I don't know why you're doing that and it drives me insane. On special occasions, you call me sweet names and all that jazz and make me believe that everything could be like it used to be and better, but the next day or even weeks, there's silence. WHY??? The ever apparent question in my head is WHYYYY the heck you act like that. When we meet, everything is okay, but once I'm out of sight you seem to be indifferent towards me. WHYYYYYYYY?????