So, after a long sleepless night, I thought about the consequences of stopping to be friends with him altogether. I was usually just tagging along with him when we went somewhere as a group of people. His friends have become my friends as well, but filtered through him. Like, I wouldn't ask one of them if they'd wanna go dancing some time, rather when they ask Andy, I get the occasional invite to come along as well. They are nice guys, but for the most part, we aren't that close.
Sociologists say that you change your group of friends in a relatively set peroid of time. Like, every 10 years, for example. Well, when this Andy and I thing got more twisted and we started hanging out all the time, I "traded" my old group of friends for his. Not entirely and not sudden, but, as previously mentioned, since I spent so much time with him, I also spent more time with his friends, than with mine.
What I'm trying to say is that, if I stop being friends with him altogether, I run the risk of losing a couple of friends. At the moment, I don't want to be at some public place where he is. I don't want to go out with a group of friends that he is a part of, because seeing him (and seeing him with other girls) hurts so badly. I know it from experience. It wasn't pretty.
I never thought I could be the Daniel in a relationship. The one to break off all the contact, because he couldn't handle staying in touch. It'll hurt and I am not prepared. Not willing, either, but I have to. If he wants to surround himself with other girls, I can't change that.
What I also can't change is this feeling in my heart that he'll eventually realize what or who I could have been for him. I hope he'll have the guts to come and talk to me when the time comes.
Yeah, that was crap, I know. Shuddup.
The truth is, I will never be ready to say goodbye, because I suck at giving up on something.
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